I was sick and bloody tired of sittin' 'round, bein' made fun of by the Slayer and her little gang of goody-goodies. Couldn't kill cuz of the soddin' chip, and it looked like they weren't makin' any headway in figurin' out how t'get it outta me, given that I didn't rightly care much what happened t'the lot of 'em anyways.
Had me a little chat with that ex-vengeance demon, though. The one what was datin' the whelp? It was... interestin'. Just us, at some buggerin' party, and we both talked 'bout the good old days... when we were evil. When we had power. Made me miss those times, a bit. Even talked 'bout love.
Yeah, cuz, see... me and Harm? Doesn't count.
I could stake Dru, at least! One of the few things left that I can do. Kill my own kind. Yeah, doesn't that make me the bloody pariah outta all my friends... well, what little of them there are, of course. God, what I wouldn't give for somethin', some scrap of hope... wait.
Angel must still have it back in L.A., all tucked away in a hidey-hole somewhere. Yeah... that's the ticket. Get me the Gem of Amara back, and everythin' would be right as rain. I'd have power, I'd be... important again. Not that I wasn't now, mind you, only that...
Couldn't stand the way the ponce went on 'bout me back in L.A. Tortured him, and still nothin'. Callin' me names when I was the one in charge there! I'd been the one runnin' the game! Wanker wouldn't even take up my bait 'bout him and the Slayer, shaggin' away at Captain Cardboard.
Not that it mattered what he thought, of course. Cuz it didn't. Poofster had gone and got himself a soul and thought he was the Nancy-fuckin'-Drew of the vamp set now, only he didn't see. I could. I could see... he was the same soddin' loser he'd always been, just wrapped up all pretty-like in a different package.
I paced the crypt I'd taken up residence in after the Scoobies had thrown me out t'keep lookin' for their latest Big Bad and those initiative blokes, not seein' of course, that I was here. I was bloody here, me, Spike, right soddin' here and they'd ignore me! Took a hit off my fag and sighed t'myself... this wasn't me. This... place. Wasn't deservin' of me.
Had demons and vamps on my tail now anyways, so's it wasn't like runnin' off t'the fuckin' City of Angelus was gonna change that. Fuck, even once I got the Gem, what could I do? Walk 'round in the sun, not gettin' killed, but not bein' able t'do anythin' still? What did that make me?
No... wouldn't accept that. Had t'be some way, somethin' t'do t'change me, make me better, make me... Spike again. I threw the fag t'the ground and started makin' my way out, back t'L.A. t'see what I'd find. Hopefully? I'd be able t'forget everythin' in the past and move on. Move on from bein' nothin' t'finally fuckin' bein' somebody again.