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Two Souls as One [November 15th, 2005]

[ mood | hot ]

The minute she shoved me up against the wall, I knew it. She wanted it as bad as me. We'd both been without what we wanted for so long, denied and rejected, and now was a time for us both t'put it all aside and just... fuck.

Couldn't hurt her none what with the chip and all, but I could do some damage t'her clothes. Her body was pressed tight t'mine and I grabbed one leg, liftin' her off the ground so's she could wrap herself 'round my waist. I spun us both, not breakin' the kiss, until she was the one pinned against the wall.

I needed her so soddin' badly, it scared me.

With her pinned between me and the wall, I was able t'take a free hand and tear at her black shirt, tossin' the bits of fabric t'the ground until all's that was left her. My lips left hers for a moment as I panted, just starin' at her tits before my left hand cupped one and squeezed softly, gently...

I wasn't stupid. Yeah, I wanted t'twist her tit until she screamed and came, but fuck... the pain it would cause me when the chip went off? No bloody way. Besides, oddly enough, there was somethin'... nice 'bout just touchin' her skin. Soft, with so much heat lyin' there, waitin'... I bent my head and took one long lick on her tit before lettin' my tongue travel back up her throat.

Almost lost it right then, as I fought the demon once more and returned t'some fabulous snoggin' with a now-naked-Faith.

"You like t'be the one... in charge... don't you?" I managed t'somehow get out between nibbles, licks, and small bites as tongues danced with one another. I was bettin' she was... hell, I was hopin' she was. I needed someone like that, someone who could beat the shit out of me one moment, then ride my cock the next. Couldn't believe I was thinkin' it, but... I needed Faith.

"Fuck me," I growled into her mouth before pressin' the denim of my jeans against her already wet cunt.

((Open to Faith))

2 kindred | see the other

Thinkin' [April 21st, 2005]

[ mood | thoughtful ]

I'd let Faith use the shower, seein' as how I was a proper gentleman and all, see, while I watched some shit on the telly, drank, and finished up my fags. Fuck. Now I'd have t'go steal some more.

She came out and we hadn't said but two words more, but I let her have the bed, too. Yeah, it was on account of a re-run of Passions on that Soap Channel, but it was one I'd missed. Wasn't all that tired anyhow... I needed t'think.

"You just... ain't my type. Y'know, vampire n' all."

Her words seemed t'float, like one of those buggerin' thought balloons in those comic strips in the paper. Just, float on by my head over and over until I took the empty beer can and tossed it against the wall. What the bloody hell was I doin' here, anyway?

Did I honestly think I could get the Gem back? Been double-crossed by Marcus that first go-round, and Nancy-Boy had it all hidden-like still somewhere... be tough t'get him all chained up where I wanted him like I had before.


I stood and paced while Faith slept, watchin' every now and again as she turned in her sleep or moved. A Slayer... a fuckin' Slayer here, at my place - alright, the abandoned place I'd made mine for the moment - and I couldn't kill her or shag her. No no... all's I could do was watch her. Which, actually, was somewhat interestin'... seemed Faith had nightmares, or... dunno. Somethin' nasty was botherin' her dreams, that was certain.

Me? Didn't know if I had dreams anymore. Partners with a Slayer? T'do... what exactly?

Get the chip out of my soddin' skull, right. Then I could... shit! I kicked the trash can over, then cringed at the sound it made as it hit the ground. Wait... why did I even care if Faith woke up? She'd already done her worst. Did her teasin' and flirtin' back in Sunnydale, then didn't do anythin' else till now.

"You just... ain't my type. Y'know, vampire n' all."

Too soddin' bad that when I get the chip out, I'll still be 'just a vampire', still just... FUCK! Wait, what the hell was wrong with me?

It was her. Had t'be her. She was makin' me think this, feel this, make me... make me feel like I should change myself when... when it's her who's all bollixed up! Yeah! Fuckin' Slayer treadin' on the dark side... that's my game pet! What's your reason for doin' it?

Liked bein' a vamp, there was nothin' wrong with it. Why was I lettin' her make me think there was?

"You just... ain't my type. Y'know, vampire n' all."

Kept thinkin' 'bout that till mornin' came 'round, when the Slayer in my bed decided t'drag her arse outta it finally...

((Open to Faith))

7 kindred | see the other

Home again, home again [March 14th, 2005]

[ mood | curious ]

I opened up the door t'the place I'd been callin' 'home' for the past few weeks, and let Faith in first. Shuttin' it after me, I went t'the fridge and got me my pig's blood and drank it right-fast, then looked 'round for some more fags and possibly a beer.

Not that she needed it, mind you, but I was thinkin' since she was here with me, we might as well act all civilized and shit.

"So..." I started, grabbin' a beer and tossin' it t'her, "you're Faith. The black sheep of a Slayer what Buffy hates and all, hmm? Pity, really. Doesn't know what she's missin'." See, in my book? A Slayer should do anythin' possible t'get the job done. There's no good, no evil, nothin'. It's all fuckin' grey, but Blondie in SunnyHell doesn't see it like that.

Only reason I'm still fuckin' alive, I suppose.

Nah, a Slayer needed t'be ruthless, t'be able t'do whatever it took t'get the job soddin' done. Buffy and me teamed up t'stop Angelus, and what happened? She went back t'makin' googly-eyes at him soon as he came back from Never-Neverland or whatever. "She doesn't get it," I mumbled as I downed 'bout half my beer.

"You, on the other hand... yeah, heard 'bout everythin' you did. The killings and what-not? Nice job," I smiled. "Did it weigh on you, pet? Did it make your insides hurt? Or did you only feel like that because that's what she wanted you t'feel?"

Yeah, see, cuz that's how it had been with me and Angelus. I'd loved Dru, and she'd been mine. Soddin' mine. Then, he'd taken her from me - in front of me - and ruined it. Spoiled it all, turned me into the monster I was today... well, at least the monster I was tryin' t'be.

Wasn't rightly sure if I was that monster still, or if I was still just tryin' t'be him... maybe I didn't want t'be him.

Eh, too much bloody thinkin' on my part. I sat down by Faith on the couch and stretched out. "So, come now. Tell Daddy here all your sad, sorry stories so's we can pass the time."

((Open to Faith))

8 kindred | see the other

When paths cross. [February 20th, 2005]

[ mood | drunk ]

I wanted to sleep. All I wanted was a few hours to chill and let shit calm down. Especially me. A nice hot bath with fruity oils and a good book just to let all my probs melt out of me.

So I went to the first nightclub I could find.

Screw the bath, I needed release. Nothing's better than being surrounded by people who either want you or want to be you while listenin' to a deafening beat that pounds into you harder than a navy boy fresh off the boat. That's just what I had.

After a couple hours of drinks and guys I wound up out on the dance floor again to shake it with another hottie. The sweat glistening on me was the sexy kind.. y'know.. when your body gets so hot and overworked but you don't stop because it just feels so.. damn.. good. This one was definitely into it. Grabbin' on my hips and makin' me grind against him with his face all in my chest, then behind me like he was just goin' to town. He had the moves, I'll credit him that much, but I was waitin' for the finale.

The tempo was like an adrenaline pumped heartbeat that just kept on gettin' more and more exciting. The dancing did the same. Between rythmic dryfucking and the wandering palms it was a wonder either of us stayed dressed at all. He spun me back around to face him again and I obliged by pounding myself against his body, letting him grip on my hair. He jerked my head to the side and that's when I sprang into action. Kicked my foot up and curled it around his neck, pulling him down until he was in a headlock between my legs. Now that was kinda hot. I reached down, snatched the stake carried in my boot, and ducked forward to reach under his chest to find his heart. He burst into dust right as the song thrust into its orgasmic climax. I stood back up, looking as though I'd just had a little climax of my own. "Shit.. I love this song."

Nobody even noticed from the amount of people on the dance floor and the volume of the music. Feeling a bit thirsty again I waded through the bouncing bodies toward the bar. "Yo. Keep. Fill me up," I requested, tapping the empty glass on the counter. I could feel the alcohol I drank before pumpin' right through me, making my head feel like it was takin' on a wild ride. "If I didn't know any better I might take that as an invitation," he replied through a wry grin. I flashed him one of my own. "To each their own, babe."

He finally poured me my drink and that's when I caught a glance of them at the corner of my eye. Two fuckin' cops casin' the joint. That was my cue to leave. I took one last sip and left the loser a tip because I just felt that nice.. 'sides, didn't want anyone getting too suspicious. Hell, I'm even surprised it wasn't B and her brigade of superhero friends. That was a shocker. If they were really lookin' for me they should know I'd be here or in one of the many hundreds of nightclubs that they have goin' around here in L.A. ... huh. Guess it was like lookin' for a needle in a haystack.

I walked out of the club with a shakin' of my hips, yanking one of those WANTED posters of me off the wall along the way. Seemed to always have one of those in these highly populated parts.. if I keep myself layin' low long enough though, that should die out soon. I know that's what B is countin' on.. she knows I like to make myself known that I'm around because I'm not too keen on the staying quiet thing. Well, not this time. I may be spontanious but I'm not fuckin' stupid.

Yeah, I'm slowly beginning to realize this shit wasn't going to be so bad.. I was feelin' five by five again. Confident, to pin-point the word. If I want, the City of Angels could still be mine. Never know. I could even catch a ride and get myself some other town away from this place.. untouched by Buffy and Soul Boy. No one would know me and it'd be another fresh new start. Well, minus the law of course. I know they'll be lookin' for me for a while but at least not this hard after they figure out they can't get their hands on me. That was still a big problem though.. didn't know what the fuck to do about that right now. Not the fact I was scared of bein' caught but more of how much I'm gonna be bored on them chasin' me. Gets pretty dull after awhile.

Crumplin' up the piece of paper I threw it in the nearby trashcan, wondering just how many of those I was gonna see tonight. Did I care? Not really. I was drunk and lovin' the life right now. When I spun around I found my face stuck in some guys' chest. "Hey!" I snapped, shoving him roughly away from me without bothering to think or look to see who it might be. "Blind or somethin'? Watch where I'm goin'!"

(( Open to Spike. ))

8 kindred | see the other

Time for changes [February 17th, 2005]

[ mood | determined ]

I was sick and bloody tired of sittin' 'round, bein' made fun of by the Slayer and her little gang of goody-goodies. Couldn't kill cuz of the soddin' chip, and it looked like they weren't makin' any headway in figurin' out how t'get it outta me, given that I didn't rightly care much what happened t'the lot of 'em anyways.

Had me a little chat with that ex-vengeance demon, though. The one what was datin' the whelp? It was... interestin'. Just us, at some buggerin' party, and we both talked 'bout the good old days... when we were evil. When we had power. Made me miss those times, a bit. Even talked 'bout love.

Shit, Dru.

Yeah, cuz, see... me and Harm? Doesn't count.

I could stake Dru, at least! One of the few things left that I can do. Kill my own kind. Yeah, doesn't that make me the bloody pariah outta all my friends... well, what little of them there are, of course. God, what I wouldn't give for somethin', some scrap of hope... wait.

The Gem.

Angel must still have it back in L.A., all tucked away in a hidey-hole somewhere. Yeah... that's the ticket. Get me the Gem of Amara back, and everythin' would be right as rain. I'd have power, I'd be... important again. Not that I wasn't now, mind you, only that...

Couldn't stand the way the ponce went on 'bout me back in L.A. Tortured him, and still nothin'. Callin' me names when I was the one in charge there! I'd been the one runnin' the game! Wanker wouldn't even take up my bait 'bout him and the Slayer, shaggin' away at Captain Cardboard.

Not that it mattered what he thought, of course. Cuz it didn't. Poofster had gone and got himself a soul and thought he was the Nancy-fuckin'-Drew of the vamp set now, only he didn't see. I could. I could see... he was the same soddin' loser he'd always been, just wrapped up all pretty-like in a different package.

I paced the crypt I'd taken up residence in after the Scoobies had thrown me out t'keep lookin' for their latest Big Bad and those initiative blokes, not seein' of course, that I was here. I was bloody here, me, Spike, right soddin' here and they'd ignore me! Took a hit off my fag and sighed t'myself... this wasn't me. This... place. Wasn't deservin' of me.


Had demons and vamps on my tail now anyways, so's it wasn't like runnin' off t'the fuckin' City of Angelus was gonna change that. Fuck, even once I got the Gem, what could I do? Walk 'round in the sun, not gettin' killed, but not bein' able t'do anythin' still? What did that make me?


No... wouldn't accept that. Had t'be some way, somethin' t'do t'change me, make me better, make me... Spike again. I threw the fag t'the ground and started makin' my way out, back t'L.A. t'see what I'd find. Hopefully? I'd be able t'forget everythin' in the past and move on. Move on from bein' nothin' t'finally fuckin' bein' somebody again.

see the other

It's so much simplier than change.. [February 16th, 2005]

[ mood | anxious ]

"I have to take this guy out. The guy with the gun up there will go for me.. you stay here." Buffy told me and fuck me, I said 'okay'. I sat there and watched her with confusion as she went lungin' toward the skylight to the tackle the bastard down -- keeping me out the line of fire. What the hell did she think she was doing? Not even eight minutes ago she was askin' me to give her a reason on why she shouldn't throw me off this roof and right now I wish she did. The big question was 'why'. After everything I put her and her friends through there she was throwing herself into the limelight to help me. After all I put Angel and Wesley through, there they were throwing themselves in the way to help me. Like I wasn't feeling guilty enough? Between all the sorries and thank-yous that I was supposed to catch up on I didn't deserve this. This was supposed to be my punishment.

I tightened my grip around the strap of my bag that still managed to cling upon my shoulder through all this shit. That's right, I packed to blow this joint.. I couldn't hang here anymore. I felt that. I'm sure somewhere in there Soul Boy could feel it too. The ammends I was supposed to make weren't good enough.. and I realize now they're never going going to be. Maybe for them but not for me. Angel asked if I felt sorry.. if I could even say it. What's that supposed to feel like? I tried to say sorry once but what happened? Oh right, she threatened to beat the crap out of me. I was distracted the moment Angel burst through the skylight and onto the skid of the chopper and that's when I decided to make my move. Quick as I could I leapt down to the fire escape and hurried down to the street below, listening to the sound of the fight fade more and more the farther I ran. When it was barely a whisper in my ears I stopped to catch my breath, looking back where I'd just come.

"Thanks," I muttered as if trying the word on for size. It didn't really fit well.

Angel couldn't help me. B couldn't do it, either. Not like this when I could still picture myself ripping their throats out. Fuck, could the cops? Hell no. I know the moment I turn myself in I'll get that wicked urge to just run again like I'm doin' now. I'm a Slayer.. they don't make jail cells for those types. If I were to do that I'd have to control myself and that's something I couldn't do right now.. I'm just not strong enough. Not right now anyway. I highly doubt I'm ever going to be. Violence; it was in my blood. Not just from the pile of shit I made for myself which adds more to the norm but the Slayer mojo too. It was there.. I could feel it. I could feel it bubbling right beneath my skin just waiting to explode on me. I tightened my fists.

"Well, you're quite welcome there, missy," came a man's voice from somewhere beside me. I turned to look at a torn-up thug walking toward me. Oh, this is great. "Look, man," I said with an excusing chuckle in my voice, "You don't wanna do this." I didn't want to.. not this soon.

"Oh you got no idea how bad I wanna do this," he answered back without slowing his approach even a step. The minute his hand was on my shoulder I had his wrist in a lock. It was all instinct and I didn't stop to fuckin' think about it. His gasp from the pain never finished in the quickness I had him turned around and his neck snapped. I dropped him to the pavement. I didn't want to look his way, keeping my sight tuned on where B and Angel were. "Sorry," I said as sincerely as I could, my teeth clenched tight together. Man was I a let down.

... but I still felt nothing. No remorse.. not anything. Is this is how I'm supposed to be.. just like this?

Guess I was the fucked up one after all. Angel couldn't see it, but B could. With a breath taken in I picked my bag back up, slung it over my shoulder, and continued my walk down the street further away from where Angel and Buffy could find me. Didn't know what rocky path I was 'bout to walk on but right now I couldn't fuckin' care.. it was so much easier this way than caring. The pain was much more less and that is what I wanted.

There was no turnin' back now.

see the other

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